Of Wails and Lacking Baby Formula
by Yami Flo
Summary: "You seem to be under the misconception that the Force can pull baby formula out of nowhere. While I'm loath to shatter your beliefs, I fear it's not the way it works." Or the 501st and the 212th got to deal with Accidental Baby Acquisition. Thankfully for them all, Obi-Wan is unfazed.


**Character(s):** Anakin Skywalker, Rex, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Cody, others Clone Troopers

 **Warnings:** Humor, Clones meet Baby (and aren't all happy about it)

 **Summary:** "You seem to be under the misconception that the Force can pull baby formula out of nowhere. While I'm loath to shatter your beliefs, I fear it's not the way it works." Or the 501st and the 212th got to deal with Accidental Baby Acquisition. Thankfully for them all, Obi-Wan is unfazed.

* * *

 **Of Wails and Lacking Baby Formula**

* * *

The wailing made Anakin want to grind his teeth and put his hands on his ears in order to deafen the noise. Force, but who would had thought such a little thing could emit so much noise? Babies, he decided, should never be in the vicinity of adults – and even less so in the vicinity of a battlefield. A feeling the Clone troopers around him seemed to share in earnest. They kept eying the noisy addition to their battalion like they would have eyed a live grenade or an active thermal detonator – and Anakin could sympathize, he really could. Thankfully they weren't trying to be discreet else the infernal racket procuded as the baby screamed with all the force of his tiny lungs would have blown their cover out of the window a long time ago.

"Can't any of you do something about it?" he half-moaned, half-whispered to Rex, the closest soldier to him.

The Captain raised a dubious highbrow. "And what would you want us to do, Sir? It's not like any of us know how to deal with a baby – a normal, newborn baby. We'd have an easier time juggling with bombs while dodging enemy fire." Which, okay, was logical, Anakin grudgingly admitted.

Clone troopers may have had plenty of younger brothers, but those brothers came out of a vat – they skipped the baby stage entirely and sometimes even the toddler stage as well. Clone brothers into being already able to walk, to talk… and already clean. A very important point, cleanliness. Which the baby certainly didn't know anything about.

The suspicious lack of waist clothes on several officers of the 501st and the 212th due to an urgent need of changes spelled it all. Even Rex had to sacrifice his, 'for the cause'. There was a fair chance no one would ask for theirs back. In fact, Anakin suspected they'd be burning them - and pretend they had been lost or damaged by enemy fire or something.

Anakin didn't know if potential sexual reproduction had been thought about when the Clones were made, but he had the feeling many of them had already sworn to never try it if that was the end result. Others, though, seemed completely fascinated by the spectacle of the tiny life form - even if they weren't putting themselves in line to try and hold or care for him.

"You know, I think he's not crying as loudly anymore," Anakin mused after a moment.

"No, Sir; you just got used to the noise," Rex replied.

Joy.

The only one who didn't seem bothered at all by the unexpected addition of a baby to the ranks was Obi-Wan. His former Master remained unflappable even as he cradled the little bundle of 'joy' against his chest and rocked it with one arm while calmly conducting his debriefing with Commander Cody (who, Anakin was pleased to notice, looked as nonplussed as Anakin himself and the rest of the men) and used his free hand to point out targets on the map.

"How does he do that?" Rex asked and if there was envy in his voice, Anakin didn't point it out – he felt pretty much the same anyway. That damn baby just seemed to wail louder when he was the one carrying him.

"I wish I knew," Anakin whispered back.

"Experience, my former Padawan," Obi-Wan replied, making both men flush as they realized they had been overheard. "If you're so uncomfortable with newborns, remind me to schedule you for a duty shift in the Crèche, Anakin; you might find it very instructive."

"No thank you, Master," the younger Jedi backpedaled; he may have been dubbed the Hero With No Fear, but that title was quite the exaggeration. "Does he ever shut up?"

"He's hungry, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, giving him a look. "You would be upset too if you couldn't get food."

"Can't we find him anything, Sir?" Cody asked respectfully but with a look on his face saying he'd be the first one volunteering to go pick whatever the baby needed if it could either take him far from the noise source or shut up that noise source in the shortest delay.

"We're lacking the essential here, Commander," Obi-Wan sighed. "A child this age needs adapted milk, which the army isn't running on."

"Can't you, I don't know, find some other food with the Force, Sir?" a hapless trooper asked and Anakin felt like wincing.

Obi-Wan didn't snap, but he raised an eyebrow very high. "You seem to be under the misconception that the Force can pull baby formula out of nowhere. While I'm loath to shatter your beliefs, I fear it's not the way it works."

"Sir… how long can the kid hold out without formula?" a concerned Cody asked, a frown maring his face.

Obi-Wan looked grim. "Not as long as I wish. Thankfully, I managed to pass the message to General Secura before the communications were jammed; she'll have some added to the supplies when her troops reach us – and hopefully by then we'll have cleaned a safe passage to reunite this infant with his mother," he added as he looked down at the bundle in his arms – wrapped in his own cloak, too, Anakin noticed.

"I'm sure we'll have, Sir," Rex replied, Cody and the rest of the troops nodding along.

"Of course," Obi-Wan nodded in confidence. "Oh, and Anakin? The next time you decide to be a dashing hero and run to find the lost baby of an evacuee local, please try to make sure you grab what we need to take care of said baby as you go, will you?"

Anakin blushed. "You say it as if it will happen again!"

"Ah, my former Padawan," Obi-Wan smiled, but there was an edge to it. "You should never, ever dismiss the idea."

 **End**


End file.
